The Man In The Mirror
by Lucius McLean
Summary: Final Chapter. Can Dave pull it through?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: They are as usual not mine, they belong to WB, NBC +++   
The title is from a Michael Jackson song, I'm not a fan of him (he have some nice songs though) I just used it cause it fit with the story  
  
  
Dave looked at himself in the mirror, why couldn't he get a girlfriend. A girlfriend for more than two weeks. Someone to hold hands with, someone to tell secrets to.  
He walked into a empty exam room and crept under the sheets to try to get some more sleep. At the same moment as his eyes closed Weaver came walking inside.  
"Dr. Malucci, we need you! WAKE UP!" She yelled at him before slamming the door and walking away.  
He swore loudly and walked out, trying to wake up. He had never seen her yell at Luka or Carter like that, she only did it to him. He decided that he should find out why during the remaining seven hours of his shift.   
  
He never got the chance to find out, he was helping Mark with a kid who seemed to be scared to death by his father. Dr.Greene just didn't listen to him, he knew that boy's father type, the type that was beating his own son, scaring him. He tried to tell Dr. Greene so, but after that tumour removal he seemed to have changed personality completely, he was careless and in Cleo's own words a Jackass.  
  
He was so angry at Dr.Greene now, not letting him work for a week, just because he defended himself from that boy's father. And that Dr. Corday had just walked up to them ending their conservation. Dave wondered how the hell their baby was going to turn out, probably a evil girl with no hair and an English accent . He still remembered Corday's words about him being an incompetent doctor, it was like they had burned into his mind, waking him in the middle of the night shaking and sweating.  
  
Why were everybody treating him like he was a doormat? He was a doctor, and he did good things to, even though he screwed up sometimes. But when he did something good no one said anything, only when he did something stupid. It seemed like they believed that he didn't have any feelings, just because he pretended, shacking it off with a smile, they should have known how much their complaints, screaming and yelling was torturing him.  
  
He found himself outside his apartment door, not really remembering how he had got there. Dave opened the door and threw his bag and keys on the floor. He was tired as hell, so he just walked straight to bed   
The next morning he wandered around in his apartment wondering what to do, finally he decided on watching some cartoons on television. What the hell was he going to do in the next days? He didn't have a big party life outside the ER like everyone was believing.  
It ended up with a routine of wake up, drink coffee while watching television, drink some more coffee and then go to bed without sleeping because of the caffeine. He didn't have any appetite, he felt rather sick every time he tried to eat, he was so angry inside. And he walked around swearing.   
  
Finally, he could go back to the hospital and work again, forget everything. He woke up early as he had done in the previous week, after only a hour of sleep. Dave went into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator, but closed it when the only things he found was a old apple and a couple of sausages which seemed to be more green than red.  
  
He walked out of the apartment three hours before work started, he didn't have any reason to stay home.   
  
The leaves had started falling off the trees, and a sour wind was blowing around the corners, wiping off all the garbage in the streets. He stared walking, didn't feel like taking the bike or take a cab. It was wonderful to feel the cold air against his face, cooling down his thoughts. When he was halfway to the hospital, raindrops started falling soaking him to the skin, it didn't matter, somehow nothing seemed to matter anymore.  
What if he got pneumonia and died, would anyone care then? Would anyone come to his funeral? Probably not.   
  
Dave turned and saw his reflection in the window of a store. He saw that he had lost some weight during the previous week, his jeans were a little lose. It looked good, man! he had been fat, not that he was thin now. At that moment he decided that he should loose some more. Maybe it was therefor everybody was like they was to him, because he was fat?  
He entered the ER two hours early, soaked and cold.  
  
"Dr. Malucci you're early" Weaver said when she saw him entering  
"I know, I just didn't feel like being anymore at home." He walked into the lounge without saying anything more. Weaver followed, he didn't look so good.  
"Malucci, are you okay?" She asked him, while he was taking off his coat.  
"Me?"  
"There aren't anyone else here"  
"I am great, I have had the best week ever!" He just didn't feel like telling Weaver that he didn't have a life outside the ER.  
"Nice finally having you back" Kerry smiled and walked out of the lounge. Dave sank down on the couch, and put his head down in his hands, right now life didn't have a meaning. Everything seemed to have broken  
down. Jing-Mei came walking inside, tired from the night shift. She saw Dave sitting there with his head resting on his hands, he seemed to be in another world.  
"Dave, are you okay?" She asked carefully, she got no answer.  
"Dave?" No answer. She walked over to him and shook him carefully in the shoulder.  
"Hmm" He answered  
"Dave!" She almost yelled in his ear  
"What?!, Why are you yelling??!?!?"  
"I asked If you were okay?"  
"I were, till you came and almost killed me of shock!"  
"Sorry"  
"Have you lost some weight?" She saw that his jeans were a little loser than they used to  
"Yeah, I got pretty much time to work out last week"  
"I can see that"  
"So how was you're shift?"  
"Busy, six traumas and a ten puking kids"  
"Sounds nice" He smiled at her. Jing-Mei found a towel at the counter and threw at him, giggling.  
"Do you want to grab a bite over at Doc Magoos?"  
"Sure, I'm kinda hungry" He stood up and walked over to the door, were he politely held it open for her  
"Wow that week seemed to have been good for you!" Jing-Mei smiled and walked out. Dave followed her and got a little shocked when he felt her arm in his.  
They ate and talked, and for some few minutes Dave forgot all his problems, just sat there and enjoyed her company. Suddenly Chen looked at her watch,  
"Oh Dave, I'm sorry I have to go" She started fiddling with her purse to find some money to pay for her breakfast.  
"I'll pay" Dave said smiling  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah, just don't get me any Ideas, you owe me one lunch"  
"Sure, it was really nice talking to you Dave" Jing-Mei said before the door closed behind her.  
"I love you Jing-Mei Chen" Dave said in a low voice, suddenly all the real worlds trouble fell over him, and he felt nauseous, and ran towards the toilette. When he bent down, he stuck his fingers down his throat.  



	2. Fatty

After washing his hands he felt so completely free, so light and happy.  
He ran over to the hospital, feeling happier than in a while. The rest day he worked harder than ever before, helping with as much he could, Dave had just figured out why Carter's and Kovac's lives were so much better than his. They were thin, he was fat.   
Days went on, but now he didn't feel happy after throwing up, Instead he felt guilty for eating in the first place. He found it harder to concentrate on what people told him and he felt dizzy when he walked around.   
He stood by the counter staring at a chart, trying to concentrate on the jumping letters.  
"Dave?"  
"What?" He jumped a little, he turned and saw Jing-Mei staring at him  
"Do you want to grab some lunch with me?"  
"Sorry, I just ate."  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine, why do you ask?"  
"You look a little tired?"  
"Well, it's 5 a.m. so that's not so weird is it?" He snapped  
"Sorry for asking" Jing-Mei walked out of the hospital. After that they didn't speak much together, he didn't speak to many others either. He didn't annoy Weaver or didn't make piggish remarks to the female nurses.  
  
Dave walked into the personnel bathroom to wash of the blood from the trauma, he was more dizzy than ever before. When he pulled of the scrub top, he looked at himself, he was so incredibly fat, ugly and resenting. The room started spinning, faster and faster, he grabbed the sink as to get support.   
  
At that moment Kovac came in, he looked at Dave, man! He was thin, thinner than was healthy. He could see his ribs trough the skin.   
"Dave, are you okay?"  
"Yeah, just a little dizzy" He said trying to get on his scrub top again, to hide his body. Kovac looked at the young man again, he seemed to be Anorectic, but Dave? That didn't seem like him. He shook his head and walked out of the room.  
"Dr. Weaver can I talk with you for a moment?"  
"Something wrong Dr. Kovac?"  
"I don't know, can we talk somewhere in private?" She followed him wondering what he was going to say.  
"Ok, what is it?"  
"It's Dave, I think he is anorectic or bulimic" He had decided to say it at once.  
"Why do you think that?" She asked, she had noticed that Dave had been different the last days.  
"Well, I came into the bathroom, and he had taken his shirt off, he was thin, too thin. I haven't seen him eating the last days either, and he told me he was dizzy.  
"In the first place I think we just have to hold our eyes open, we cant do anything before we are have any evidence."  
"Yes, I just wanted to tell you"  
"I appreciate that Dr. Kovac"  
Dave walked over to the admin. desk to put away a chart. He saw Chuny, Lydia and Haleh standing there gossiping. He smiled to them and just the chart to its right place. Haleh started wondering what was wrong with that man, he hadn't come up with a piggish remark or a joke in the last few weeks, but she just shrugged it off. It was probably nothing, he had surely just grown up.  
He sat down on a chair since there wasn't any patients left. Jing Mei and Carter walked over to him.  
"Hey Dave, want to join us over to Doc Magoos?"  
"Nah, I'm not hungry"  
"Just join us for the company then?" Jing Mei asked  
"Yeah, okay" He stood up slowly and felt the usual dizziness coming over him. Jing Mei looked at him for a moment, he seemed to be so thin, but It was probably just her imagination. They walked over to Doc Magoos and sat down.  
"What can I get you?" The waiter asked  
"A cheese burger with fries and a coffee"   
"The same for me" Jing Mei added  
"And what about you?"   
"Nothing" Dave answered.  
"Come on Dave, eat something, my treat" Carter said. Jing Mei looked at  
Dave wondering.  
"Okay, a blueberry pie thanks, and coffee, black as possible"  
When the food came Dave just show the slice around on his plate. Suddenly he noticed Carter and Jing Mei staring at him, and he decided that he should probably eat a little.   
It wasn't hard to get out again so, he started eating and talking  
After the lunch, he excused himself and walked to the bathroom. Inside a cubicle he knelt down and stuck his fingers down his throat, as he used to.  
  
Carter opened the door to the bathroom and heard someone gagging.  
He saw Dave sitting on the floor and he understood that something was wrong, very wrong. He silently closed the door behind himself and walked back to Jing Mei.   
"John what's wrong?" She asked when she saw the grimace on his face.  
"Come, I have to talk to you" He said. She understood that it was serious so she just followed him, on their way back he told what he had heard and seen.   
Dave looked at the brownish stuff down in the toilette, and to his fear he saw that it was blood among the brown. Soon it came more and more blood, and he understood something was very wrong, and he should get to the hospital. He closed his mouth and felt the bitter taste of blood. He ran quickly out of the restaurant and towards the hospital. Something was wrong, very wrong.   
He ran inside the ER, but by he was so dizzy that he just fell down. The nurses didn't see anything special so they just laughed a little, the laughter stopped quickly when they saw blood coming out of Dave's mouth.   
"Oh, my good Dave!!" Weaver ran over to him, together with Haleh, Abby and Luka.  
"Get him up on a gurney!" She yelled "Did anyone see what happened?"  
"No he just came inn running and then he fell." Haleh said they wheeled him into the trauma room and got him onto the bed.  
"It seems like a vein have ruptured in his throat" Luka said examining Dave.  
"His blood pressure is dropping" Haleh informed.  
  
Dave opened his eyes slowly, and looked around, the hospital? How the hell had he landed here?   
"Dave?" He heard a voice saying, he looked around and saw Weaver sitting on a chair next to him.  
"You gave us quite a scare"  
"What happened?"  
"A vein in your throat was torn, and you are dehydrated and you have a lack of vitamins"  
"Wonder how that happened" He said trying to pretend he didn't know anything.  
"Dave, I think you have Anorexia, or Bulimia. We want to do anything we can, to help you, but you have to do get control over this."  
"I'm not Bulimic, or anorectic!" He almost yelled.  
"I know a clinic were you can get help"  
"I DON'T HAVE A EATING DISORDER!" He yelled, but he felt his throath getting sore, so he tried to calm down a little. "I don't have a eating disorder" He repeated.  
"Then it is okay for you to get weighted?" Weaver said  
"So you can make fun of me for being fat?!"  
"No, just to see how much you really weights" Dave understood that he was defeated and sat up on the bed, feeling dizzy and grabbed the ledge off the bed.   
"Are you okay?" Weaver repeated.  
"Just a little dizzy from getting up too fast"  
Weaver helped him onto the weight and they both waited for the result.   
"See Dave, that's far to little for a man your age"  
"You have fixed it up or something!"  
"No, I have not. So do you want to go to this clinic?"  
"What are you going to tell the others?"  
"I can tell them that you are on a vacation."  
"No, tell them the truth"  
After a day Dave packed his bags, and left for one of his hardest summers ever.   
  
Continued in a new series maybe?   



	3. I'm A Lousy Doctor

Thanks for rewieving the previous part!!!   
Disclaimer NOT mine, but hey I have birthday soon.......  
  
Before opening the door to the clinic, he wondered if he just should run away, but he decided that he was going to get through this.   
"And you are?" The desk clerk asked  
"I'm Dave Malucci" He answered.  
"Yeah, a dr. Weaver called, just follow me and I will show you to your room" He didn't reply just followed after the woman.  
"Here is your room, you get a half hour to settle before it is lunch"  
"I'm not hungry, I ate on the train" He lied.  
"Yeah right, and I'm Michael Jackson" She handed him a key and left. He stared at the key for a second, before putting it in the lock and turning over.  
To his surprise he saw that the room was nice, not anything like a hospital. The walls were blue and pictures of flowers, made the room cosy, almost like his grandparents home. A small bowl of fruit was on a little table. He put down the bag and started wandering around in the room.   
In almost no time a woman knocked on the door.   
  
"Hi, I'm Molly, and you are?"  
"Dave Malucci" He smiled a little to her.  
"I'm going to follow you to the cafeteria."  
"I'm not hungry" He snapped shortly  
"Come on, you only have to eat a little" He followed reluctantly.  
"So what are you working with?" She asked  
"I'm a doctor"  
  
"Cool. This clinic treats all kinds of people, but it is mainly young girls here, not many boys. The first days someone will sit with you while you're eating, and you are not allowed to go to the bathroom alone after the lunch. Today we will introduce you to the other people here, and we start the sessions tomorrow"  
"Ok" He answered, man! it was strict here. Molly followed him over to the food,  
"Just take anything you want" She said smiling. He looked at all the food in front of him, tacos, pizzas, spaghetti, toast, and much more. Just the sight made him wanting to barf.  
"Go on, take whatever you want" Molly said. Finally Dave grabbed a toast and a glass of water.  
"So what now?"  
"I'm going to sit with you through the dinner, and then we will introduce you to all the others". He looked around, he couldn't see a male anywhere just girls.  
He sat down and stared at his plate, only the sight of the food made him want to throw up.   
"Just take your time. You don't have to eat much, just a little" Molly said encouraging him. He cut of a little piece of the toast and looked at it, finally he put it in his mouth and chewed.   
He then took a little water to get down the little piece. Dave showed the plate away from himself.  
"I can't eat more"  
  
"You don't have to, it was a good start" She said and smiled. "Now it is time to introduce you to the others. He just nodded and followed her to a little room.   
She opened the door and made a sign to him that he should enter. He stepped inside the room and saw four other girls sitting on chairs in a circle.  
Someone who obviously was a talker guy stood in the middle,  
  
"Hello, Dave Malucci?" He asked. Malucci nodded and looked at the girls in the circle. They mad him feel even more uncomfortable, they were so skinny and he was so fat.  
"Grab a chair and come join the ring" The talker said and smiled. He did as he was told to and sat down.  
"Okay group, this is our new member, his name is Dave Malucci, let's present ourselves. Dave, I'm Martha, I'm the leader of this group"  
"My name is Cassy" A girl with blond hair said, she had the same sunken eyes as the others in the group, the eyes seemed to be hunted.  
"Jennie" A girl with brown hair looked down on the floor.  
"Amira" A girl who seemed to be only fourteen years old said.  
"Sally" The last girl said shortly.  
"So Dave, do you want to tell us why you are here?" Martha asked.  
"No"  
"Come on, we're harmless" Martha said  
"I don't know why I am here! Fuck, I just want to be alone!"  
  
"Okay just sit and listen today then, Amira do you want to tell about yourselves?"  
"Okay, I guess I stopped eating when my parents started yelling at each other, they blamed each other for the bills. And I started thinking that it was maybe my fault, that I ate to much. After a while I just couldn't eat anymore at all. And one day I fainted at school" Amira said.  
"Thank you Amira"   
Dave looked around and saw that all the others where staring at him, it was like torture. He knew that since he was so fat, they saw everything they hated about themselves in him.   
After a hour of listening to the other stories, the meeting was over, he stood up and walked outside. He wondered if he could just go to the bathroom to throw up, but no, Molly stood there and waited for him.  
"For how long are you going to follow me around?"  
"Till we are sure you eat properly. So how was the meeting?"  
"I don't know why I am here, all the others are so thin and I'm so fat"  
"Do you really believe that?" Molly asked  
"Yeah, I believe in the truth, I'm fat" By now they were back in his room, he just closed the door behind himself, not holding it open for Molly.  
"I'm coming back later" She said through the door. Now he had more time to look around, suddenly he saw a door he hadn't noticed before.   
He walked over and pushed down the handle.  
  
Inside it was a bathroom with shower, sink and a toilette, they had surely forgotten to lock this door. Finally he could get rid of the toast, he bent down and stuck his fingers down his throat.  
It came out easy, and he felt better than in days before. He sat up again and wiped his mouth. Suddenly he saw a shadow falling over him, he looked up and saw Molly standing there.  
"Molly, I just felt nauseous" He said.  
"You just failed the first test, now we have to lock this door, and every time you need to go to the bathroom you have to ask someone."  
He understood that he couldn't do anything, so he just nodded  
"Please step out of the bathroom so I can lock the door" He did as she told him to. And walked over and sat down on his bed.  
"Now, you have to eat at least one bite of a banana, and I will sit here till you have done it"  
He slowly picked up a banana and peeled it. He looked at the yellowish fruit, and ate a bite.  
"Good" Molly said,  
  
"I'm going to let you be alone for some time now, if you feel you are up to it, it is activities on the evening, pool, chess, television and painting"  
He just nodded and laid down on the bed.  
He must have fallen asleep, because when he opened his eyes the clock was already nine p.m. He heard someone knock on the door.  
"Come in" He yelled, it was probably some annoying nurse or something. But it wasn't it was the girl he had seen in the group, Amira.  
"Am I interrupting?" She asked  
"Nah, I don't have anything to do"  
  
She walked over to him, "I only got to present my name during the group, so I'll try again"   
"Ok" He said, not really caring  
"I am Amira, I'm fourteen years old"  
"Dave, 28 years old" He replied  
"So why are you here?" She asked  
"Because a woman at work though I had a eating disorder, I agreed to go here, just to get her of my back"  
"I think she was right" Amira said looking down on the floor  
"What?" Dave said a little annoyed  
"I think she was right, you are awfully thin."  
"Yeah, right"   
"You are"  
"No, I'm not, you are thin, I'm fat"  
"Dave, I know I'm thin, but so are you" Dave didn't know what to say, he started wondering if she was right, why should she lie?"  
"So what are you working with?" Amira asked  
"I'm a lousy doctor" He replied.  
  
Continued?  



	4. I Thought I Made Them Believe

This Story is built on facts I know about Anorexia and Bulimia.   
Disclaimer: Not mine, I have birthday soon (Hoping) They belong to WB and NBC  
  
"Why did you stop eating?"  
"I stopped cause I realised that it was therefor I was treated so bad, they all though I was a lousy doctor. And I saw that they treated the thin doctors nicely, I guess I just wanted to get the same respect" He didn't understand why he was telling this girl about everything.  
"I think they respected you" Amira only said. "Oh sorry, I have to go! Maybe we can talk later?"  
"Yeah sure" He smiled shortly to her before she closed the door.  
He threw himself on the bed and out his hands under his head, at the same moment there was another knock on the door.  
"Enter" He said shortly. Molly opened the door,  
"There is a phone call for you"  
"Who?"   
"He didn't say, he just wanted to speak with you" She threw him a cellar phone.  
"Return it back to reception when you are finished"  
"Sure" Molly closed the door behind herself.  
"Hello?" Dave asked, who would call him here?  
"Hello David" A dark voice replied. Dave knew that voice to well, it was his dad.  
"What do you want?" He asked angrily  
"Oh, I just wanted to hear how my son felt? Can't a father care about his son?" Dave heard clearly the irony in Ron Malucci's voice.  
"I'm hanging up" Dave said in the phone  
"I just want you to know that you forever will be a fucking screw up, and that you'll never will be anything, just like your fucking brothers." *CLICK* Dave stared at the phone, his father never could let him alone, wherever Dave was, his father would find a way to torture him.  
He didn't bother returning the phone, just tried to sleep. Finally he managed to sleep, but it was far from a relaxing sleep.  
The next morning Molly came and waked him up. He was soaked of sweat and was shaking  
"Dave, it is breakfast"  
"Noo, I'm tired, I wanna sleep."  
"No way, up!" Molly walked over and drew the curtains aside, letting the sun filling the room.  
Groggily he managed to get up, Molly looked at him,  
"Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, just fine" He lied, "Can you unlock the bathroom door?"  
"Yes, but I will be waiting on the outside." He nodded, and walked into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror, and it seemed like his body grew ten sizes. He spat down in the sink, his father was right, he would never be anything.   
After the shower he felt a little better, but the phone call last night swirled around in his head, and he heard the words over and over again. As they came closer to the cafeteria he could smell the food, it smelled fat and all sorts of unhealthy things.  
"Who was it that called you yesterday?" Molly asked, to start a conversation.  
"My father" He answered shortly  
"That was nice of him"   
"Yeah"   
"So what do you want to eat today?"  
"What about hm..nothing!" He said, all he could think of was his father's words *Fucking screw up, never, fucking screw up, never*  
He just sat down on the nearest table, without finding some food.  
"Ok, then I'm gonna find you something" Molly walked over and returned with some toast and a apple.  
Dave didn't move at all, he wouldn't be that fat guy that everyone laughed at, no way!  
"We're sitting her till you have eaten at least two bites" Molly said.  
He suddenly got a idea, and ate quickly two bites.  
"Wow, that was a change!" Molly smiled,  
"Can we go back now?"   
"Yeah sure" They walked back to his room and he closed the door behind himself. When he sat there with the toast he had realised that he didn't need a toilette to throw up, Dave quickly opened the window and leant outside, and stuck his fingers down his throat.  
He closed the window again, and he realised that another great way to lose weight was exercise.  
He started doing sit-ups and push ups and continued with different exercises until someone knocked the door. He quickly found a magazine and sat down in the bed and pretended to read.  
"Enter" He said shortly.  
"Hey" Molly stepped into the room.  
"Oh, you again!" He said, starting to get annoyed by her happy mood.  
"Yepp, I just wondered if you want to let people to visit you?"  
"Sure, if anyone bother" He turned a page and started pretend-read again.  
"Ok then" Molly closed the door again.  
And he continued doing exercises and throwing up outside the window the next days, and he saw that he looked better each day.  
But Molly had seen that he was getting thinner and thinner, and he started getting big blue bags under his eyes.   
Ten days after he arrived at the clinic she decided that he should be checked  
"Were are we going?" Dave asked tiredly.  
"Just the regular check up" Molly said  
She opened the door for him and he stepped into a room he hadn't been in before.  
"Dave Malucci I guess" A man in a white lab-coat asked,   
"Yes" Dave replied not have the strength to say much more.  
"I'm doctor Lawrence. Please step on the weight" The man said. Dave swallowed, but did as he was told. Doctor Lawrence looked at the numbers, and scribbled them down in a chart.  
"Thanks Malucci" You can go back to your room now.  
"Okay" Dave smiled, believing that he had pulled it through.  
Molly came into the room, and for the first time since he had got here Dave was allowed to return to his room by himself.  
"So how is it?" Molly asked when the door close behind him.  
"Not to good I'm afraid, he have lost more weight. I want him connected to an IV. I also recommend either that someone sits with him, or restraints."  
Molly nodded. "Do you set it up?"  
"Yes, I'll just get the things and I will be right over. Molly, If you know anyone he would be glad to see, I recommend that you call them" Molly nodded.  
Dave sat down on his bed and tried to catch his breath, man! It was exhausting to go all the way from the doctors office. Suddenly someone came in. He looked up and saw the doctor, who just had seen him.  
"What can I do for you?" he swallowed.  
"We have decided to insert an IV"  
"An IV? Why?"  
"It seems like you still are losing weight" The doctor said shortly.  
"I don't want that!" Dave said loudly.  
"Well I didn't give you a choice did I? You either can do it the easy way, or we will do the hard way: use restraints" The doctor said. Dave just stared at him, and finally he surrendered.  
"I'll do as you say" He sat down on the bed, someway or another he would find a way out of this.  
  
Molly picked up the phone book and dialled the number to Chicago County.  
"ER, what can I do?" A female voice answered.  
"Is Kerry Weaver there?"  
"Sure, just hold on a sec." She heard the phone being put down and the same voice yelling for dr. Weaver.  
"This is Dr. Weaver who is this?"  
"Hello this is Molly Johnson, from the eating disorder clinic" Kerry froze she knew it, something was wrong. Molly continued  
"I wondered if you knew a friend of Dave?"  
"Why?" Kerry asked  
"His condition isn't to good, and we need someone to make him smile, again"  
"I need some time to think, is it okay that I call you later?"   
"Yeah sure, but don't wait too long" Molly said. After hanging up Kerry looked around, who would be the best one to send to Dave?  
Luka? Nah, he was a little to serious, and she didn't think they were such good friends.  
Carter? That was a possibility, he had also had a hard time. Maybe.  
Benton? She smiled of the thought, they weren't exactly good friends  
Who else was possible? Jing-Mei? Randi?   
  
Thanks for all reviews they keep me writing!! 


	5. Torture Time

**Torture Time**  
  
She finally decided to ask Jing-Mei and Randi, After what she knew teasing them always made Dave in a better mood.  
"Dr Chen and Randi can I speak with you two in private for a second?" Randi followed curiously after the red haired doctor, and so did Jing-Mei. Inside a empty room she started talking.  
"As I told you before, Dave is at a clinic to get through his eating disorders" Randi looked at Kerry, she knew that, but what had that to do with her?  
"Yes" Jing-Mei answered.  
"I just got a call from there, and it doesn't seem like Dave have much progress, more the opposite. He is now so thin and weak that he is connected to an IV."  
Randi and Jing-Mei gasped in unison, they had always though that in some way that Dave just would come back after a few weeks, healthy and smiling as he used to.  
Kerry continued "He always finds new ways to get rid of the food he eats, and they asked if I could get someone I knew Dave liked to visit him"  
Does really Dave like me? Jing-Mei and Randi thought.  
  
Dave looked at the IV bag, he had counted every single drop that had run in the tube into his arm, by now he had counted 342 drops. Suddenly he heard someone coming inside, he looked up and saw Molly standing there.  
"Hey Dave, How are you" She asked  
"Never been better" He said ironically.  
"I'm just came to inform you that you don't have to come to the cafeteria today"  
He smiled, wow, finally! But then Molly continued  
"The food will be brought up to you" Molly stood there a second, biting her lip.  
"What?" Dave asked.  
"Sally from your therapy group…"  
"Yeah what about her?" Dave asked  
"She died today, she starved to death" Molly said  
Dave looked at her not knowing what to say, it was so surreal, it just didn't fit. He felt himself starting to shake a little, then he lost control and tears started streaming down his cheeks. He had never cried much before, but now all this just overwhelmed him. Molly walked over to him and sat down on the bed and held around him, stroking his hair, like a little boy. Dave thought about Sally, she had always told him that he was thin. Maybe they were right, maybe he was thin. He didn't want to die, he wanted to live.  
  
Jing-Mei looked at Benton who was driving, she couldn't really believe that he would drive them to Dave. It was typically her luck that her car was broken just when she needed it most, and Randi walked to the ER. And then Benton suddenly had offered to drive them.  
  
After driving for about an hour they was outside the clinic.   
"Are you going with us inside?" Jing-Mei asked Benton  
"When I'm already is here, I can follow you inside too" He said.   
Randi jumped out of the car and walked together with the other two.  
  
They looked around, it wasn't like a hospital, it was much more cosy. Benton walked over to the admin. desk.  
"Hello, we're coming to visit Dave Malucci" He said to the receptionist. A nurse standing next to her looked up.  
"Dave Malucci you said?"  
"Yes" Benton replied. The nurse reached out a hand.  
"I'm Molly, Dave's nurse. I'll show you to his room"  
"I'm Peter Benton"   
"Jing-Mei Chen"  
"Randi Fronzak"  
She started walking down the corridor.  
"I don't think Dave is like you are used to, his mood has probably changed a lot from what you know. And one from his therapy group died today, so he is probably a little sad" She stopped outside a door, "If there is anything you need, I'll be down the hall" She smiled a little and started walking away from them.  
  
Jing-Mei took a deep breath and knocked the door. They heard Dave yelling enter and so they did. Jing-Mei opened the door and walked inside followed by Randi and Benton.  
  
Benton looked at the man in front of him, and the sight was scaring. Dave's face was sunken and pale. The colour was almost white and he could clearly see his cheekbones through the skin his eyes where red, like he had been crying.   
"Hey Dave" Jing-Mei said.  
"Geez, Dr. Benton?" Was the only thing Dave said  
"Hello Malucci"  
"Why are you all here?"  
"We just wanted to visit" Jing-Mei said  
"Yeah right, and I'm the king of England! I guess that Molly asked if someone could come and talk some sense into me"  
"No, she just said that it would be nice if someone came to visit you"  
He lifted a hand to stroke away some hair, and they saw how much his hand shook. He noticed their looks and quickly put down his hand again. "So how is the ER?"  
"It's kinda quiet, without you commenting everything." Jing-Mei said. It was the truth, she really missed his comments to her, even how annoying she thought it was before.  
"Yeah, you were kinda the only the doctor it was fun talking with. No offence" Randi said.  
They sat down, and Benton started regretting that he hadn't stayed in the car. Suddenly they heard someone knocking on the door.  
"Come in!" Dave yelled. Molly stuck her face inside,  
"I just wanted to know if you wanted to have something to eat?" She said to Benton, Jing-Mei and Randi.   
"Sure" They replied. Molly nodded, and smiled. She closed the door behind herself . Dave looked down on his hands. It was nice that they visited him, but why did he have to eat with them, he wanted to eat alone.   
He had decided that he should start to eat a little again, he didn't want to die like Sally.  
It was a silence between them, no one knew really what to say.   
"Anything funny happened?" Dave asked just to say something.  
"Nah, it haven't happened much"   
"Can I borrow the toilette?" Randi asked  
"You have to wait till someone unlocks it"  
"Unlocks?"   
"Yeah, if it was open I would be throwing up in there"  
"Oh" Randi said, feeling a little embarrassed  
"Don't worry, I'm used to it" Dave said noticing.  
  
The door opened and Molly stuck her head inside. "Hey, The dinner is ready for you in the visitor cafeteria" She said to the visitors.  
"Ok, thanks" They stood up and walked towards the door.  
"We come back soon" Jing-Mei said.  
When they walked down the hall they started talking,   
"He was incredibly thin, I think I never have seen a male that thin before." Randi said  
"Yeah, I know"  
  
"Torture time" Dave said when Molly stepped in to his room with his tray.  
"Just eat a little" Molly smiled "It seemed like nice friends?"  
"Yeah" He said shortly not bothering to explain about Benton.  
She put the tray down on his bed. He looked at it, he knew that he should eat a little, but the food looked like it was full of fat.  
He picked up a fork, and started sorting everything around on his plate, salad to the right, meat as far as away from his as possible, bread to the left and cheese closest to him. Molly just sat there watching, knowing that this was important for those with eating disorders, some sort of having control.  
After sorting the food he stuck the fork into some salad , and lifted it up, studying it carefully, before eating it. Molly smiled, it looked like Dave Malucci would survive.  
He ate a little salad more, before pushing the tray away.  
"I think you soon will get rid of this IV" Molly said and lifted up his tray. Dave looked down, and suddenly he saw that his stomach were big.  
"I'm Fat!" He yelled a little hysterical. Molly sat down the tray on a table, and walked over to him again.  
"No Dave, you're not. Your stomach seems so big now because you haven't eaten in weeks. It will disappear again in not long."  
"I won't let anyone see me like this!" He said.  
"I tell your friends that you are asleep, ok?"  
"Ok" He said, "Molly?"  
"Yeah?" She turned around again  
"Thanks" Dave said, and for the first time in a very long time he smiled.  
"You're welcome" She smiled back and left the room.   
  
To be continued! Please review!! 


	6. Home again

Last part! Hope you like it! Please review! :)  
  
When she started walking, she saw Dave's friends coming. She walked over to them  
"Hi, Dave is asleep now, but he wanted me to tell you that he really appreciated your visit.  
"Ok, when he is awake tell him that we drop by some time"  
"I'll do that. Bye"  
"Bye" they said in unison.   
Dave looked out of the window, seeing his friends leave. He considered them al as friends, even though he had pretty rough disagreements with Benton. He looked around in the room, staring at the wallpaper, counting every tile on the floor, feeling bored as hell.  
Dave felt nauseous, but he didn't want to throw up, didn't want to end up like Sally, dead. Someone knocked on the door. Man! Was it never possible to be alone in this place??  
"Yeah?" He asked. Amira stepped into the room, she looked good, better than she had done when he had known her.  
"Hey Dave!"   
"Hello, thought you had forgot about me?" He asked smiling, Amira was one of the few people he actually enjoyed talking with in this place.  
"No, I haven't. Sorry that I haven't visited you lately, but I have been really busy"  
"Busy? In this place?" He asked confused, wondering how it was possible to be busy here, when he almost bored his but off.  
"I have been busy recovering" Amira said seriously. She grabbed a chair and sat it near the bed. Then continued talking "I'm being written out tomorrow" She smiled a little  
"Oh" Dave said a little disappointed, now she would leave and he wouldn't have anyone to talk with again.  
"I'm going to visit though!" She said trying to get him into a better mood.  
"I'm going to miss you, Amira. You are almost like a little sister to me."  
"I have been thinking of you as my Bigbrother" She smiled. "And as your-almost-like little-sister, I demand that you get through this and comes and visit me too!" She laughed, he looked at her and then he started laughing too. It wasn't very funny situation really, but their life was so screwed up at this time so they just needed to laugh.  
"Call me whenever you want to" Dave said, seriously after stopping to laugh.   
"Yeah, I will" Amira said  
"Promise me"  
"I will, if you promise me not to let this break you"   
"I promise, I ate a little today, I don't want the same thing happen to me as with Sally.  
"I will miss you Dave" Amira said hugging him.   
"I will miss you too, sis" Dave said smiling  
The next days he started eating more, and soon he was off the IV. It didn't take long before he started going to the canteen together with Molly either.  
"Dave you have really been making progress, I'm glad"   
"Thanks Molly. Do you know how much longer I have to be here?"  
"I think you will be available to leave in two weeks time"  
"Then I have spent three months and one week here."  
"Things like this takes time"  
"Yeah, I kinda have noticed that" He said smilingly.  
"What do you want to eat today?"  
"I don't know, a salad maybe"  
"That sounds great, if you want to you can sit in the cafeteria without me today"  
"Really?" Dave smiled, finally it seemed like he managed to get control over his life again. Again? What was he talking about, he never had control over his life, before now.  
The last day before he was going to leave, he walked around in his room continuously, not knowing what really to do, there where so many questions that where swirling around in his head. How would it be to be out in the world again? Would he manage to keep his life under control? How would it be to work again? Did he even have a job still? After almost wearing out his shoes from walking around, he picked up the phone.  
"ER, this is Randi what can I do for you?"   
"Hey Randi, this is Dave, is Weaver around?"  
"Hey! How are you!? We miss you around here!"  
"Thanks, I would really speech to Weaver"  
"Just wait a minute" Dave heard the sounds of people running and talking in the background probably a trauma.  
"Dave?" Dave heard Kerry's voice asking  
"Hey Kerry, I just wondered…um…this is my last day here and I wondered if I still worked over there?"  
"Here? Of course you do, when do you want to start?" Kerry said. Dave felt himself smiling into the phone.  
"A weeks time?"  
"Sure, I'll put you up on a short five hour shift so you can get back into the rhythm"  
"Thanks Dr. Weaver"  
"No need to thanks, you had a disease, everybody needs a second chance sometimes"  
"I'm still sick, Weaver, I don't think I ever will recover completely"  
"No, I know, I have been reading a little about anorexia. I'm looking forward to see you again, we miss you here"  
"Bye, thanks. I miss you guys too"  
"Bye"  
When he put the phone back on place he started laughing, not a empty laughter, but a full laughter, full of life. He laughed because of the relief, and the thought that he just had said that he missed Weaver.  
"Thanks Molly, I don't think I could have gone through this with out you. Thanks"  
"You just needed a little push, but remember that it is now it all begins, you have to fight against falling back."  
"Kinda like drugs?"  
"Yeah, it is much the same. Thanks to you Dave, I'll hope I never see you here in this clinic again."  
"Bye Molly"  
"Bye Dave"  
He walked of the bus, and looked at the building in front of him, his apartment, his life. It was just to turn around the key, and his life would be back again.  
The apartment was a complete mess, he couldn't believe how he managed to live like this before. He put down the bags and started cleaning, picking up sock smelling from three months old sweat. Yum Yum. While cleaning he understood that his apartment showed very much about him, earlier his life had been a mess, and his apartment like wise. Now he had managed to get control over the mess, both in his apartment and head.  
"Home sweet home" he said out into the empty room, the apartment had never been as clean as now. He expected that someone would knock on his door instantly, he was so used to that from the clinic.  
He went to bed early that night, wondering what to do tomorrow. The next day he stood up earlier than he used to, and walked over to the refrigerator. It was rather empty except for a cartoon of rather icky milk and a brown-greenish tomato.  
He definitely needed to go shopping today. Something he wanted to eat Molly had told him, and when he managed to eat completely normally again he could start eating other things too.  
He found his bike in the garage and looked at it was probably the thing he had missed most when he was at the clinic. Dave sat down and turned the key around, the motor worked just as perfect as before, and not longer after he rode out on the road. Feeling the cold wind against his skin, and seeing the other cars passing by was wonderful.  
He stopped outside the shop and jumped off and walked inside. He looked around and saw food everywhere, he didn't know how he could decide, he slowly picked up a box of soup, he turned it around and looked at the calorie content, Nah, this was to much. Dave sat down the can again and picked up another one, this one had much less calories, and it seemed to be better too. He put two cans down in his cart. "Dave?" He turned around and saw Jing-Mei standing there  
"Hey Jing-Mei"  
"You look good" She said. Dave knew that if this was before he would have come up with a joke about she having a secret crush on him.  
"Thanks, I didn't know you were shopping here?"  
"I think it is a very good store, they have very much we can choose from"  
*Tell me something I don't know* He though, but he said "So how are you?"  
"I'm fine, we miss you at the hospital"  
"I'll be back tomorrow" He smiled "I better get going" He smiled again and walked away. He picked some apples and carrots, paid and drove home.   
When he was inside he sat down on couch, the short tour to the shop had almost killed him, he was tired as hell. How would he then survive a normal shift. He decided that it was best if he got to bed, so he was ready to face the ER tomorrow.   
Early in the morning he woke up and prepared a can of soup, he didn't have a big appetite anymore like he used to have before all this, it didn't matter what he ate, he just ate to not end up like Sally.   
After the breakfast he watched a little television, he headed toward work, for the first time in over three months. Dave looked at the sign with the red big letters which read ER, he never had thought that returning back would be so hard. HE swallowed, and decided to buy some coffee over at Doc Magoos before entering.   
Nothing had changed in the café, everything was like he remembered. He thought about the first time he had thrown up, it had been right after Jing-Mei had left after having lunch with him.  
"One coffee, black, no sugar" He ordered. He saw the stall where they had been sitting and talking while Carter and Lucy where at surgery. He grabbed the coffee, paid and walked out. Now he had to enter, he would be late if he waited anymore.  
Dave tried once again to swallow the clump in his throat, and stepped inside.  
He slowly walked inside trying to be unremarkable. He managed to get into the lounge without anyone noticing, he didn't want everyone to run over and hug him, he just wanted to be alone. Too bad for him that Carter and Kerry where inside,  
"Dave?!" Kerry smiled, he looked a lot better than last time she had seen him, still thin, but much better.  
"Hello, Dr. Weaver, Carter"  
"I better go see a patient" Carter said after a silent moment between them, and Dave knew that Kerry would talk to him. He put down his bag on the couch and sat down, she sat down in the chair.  
"If you need anything, talk about something, just come find me okay?"  
"Sure"  
She stood up not knowing completely what to say, "Take it easy" She finally said before walking out leaving Dave alone in the lounge again. Was this how Carter felt when he returned from rehab? So completely lonely and foreign? He hung his jacket inside the locker and took a deep breath, now he had to meet everybody again.  
He walked over to the admin. Desk, Randi saw him quickly.  
"Dave! You are back!"   
"Yes" He answered shortly, but now many others had noticed him, Chuny and Haleh came quickly over to him.  
"Dave!" Haleh hugged him "It's so nice to have you back again.  
"Thanks" He said shortly not wanting to talk to many. After getting a series of hugs from the nurses, he finally managed to grab a chart and walk over to a patient.  
Cleo Finch where also in the room, diagnosing another patient.  
"Dave?"   
"Hey Cleo"  
"Nice having you back again" She said, but he heard that her voice was less happy.  
He looked down at the chart he had grabbed  
"So Mrs. Prisker, what is the problem?" He sat down on a chart next to her to listen what she had to say.  
"I have a bad headache who doesn't seem to go away."  
"For how long have you had it?"  
"Around three weeks"  
"Have you had any speech problems, or kept forgetting things?"  
"A few times, I just cant talk"  
"Okay then I get someone to take a blood test and then we take you up for a head CT."  
"Head CT? What is that?" The elderly lady asked.  
"It is almost like X-ray just that we take it off your brain. We just have to find out if you have got any damage to it"  
Cleo looked at Dave, he seemed to take really good care of the elderly lady, better than she had seen him do before, he really took time to tell her what he was doing.  
After three hours the ER was completely silent, not a single patient in chairs or a ambulance coming closer. Dave sat silently and did charts to everyone's surprise.  
"Um.Dave? Are you okay?" Mark asked  
"Dr. Greene I'm working hard her why do you think anything is wrong?"  
"Cause you *are* working hard, it doesn't look like you."  
"I don't think you know me Dr. Greene, no wonder even I don't know me. But after my time in the clinic I have noticed that something in a life is more important than others, for example, my work is more important than a bottle of beer in the evening."  
"Okay right" Mark said a little confused and walked away. Dave looked after him and broke into laughter, *sucker* He muttered under his breath and found the magazine hidden beneath the charts. But he knew in the inside that it was right, the clinic and the disease had changed him.  
  
  
The End! Hope you liked it! :) 


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